4 Boys in a bar and an Awakened Woman.
Women, do you remember hearing, your training men, you have all the power, you control it all? Men need a lot of help....Stop settling. Here's a story to inspire you! We need to stand in our power and stop letting men confuse us.
Those of you that know me well...Know, well. I lead a pretty interesting life, I welcome challenges, and I have alot of trauma with men. But don't we all? I am learning my power again, it's a practice but it's enlivening, and empowering and I hope it makes you laugh too!
I felt really confused about boundaries growing up, my mother was hyper-sexual and I didn't really relate to that energy most of the time, and I think she channeled through me into men, and ugh.... It just blah - shakes off - I am learning energetic boundaries.
But all in all, still as a society, we have a practice of not honoring or trusting the intuition and power that we hold. Or atleast in the dominant culture?!
Well…I’ll tell you what. You can’t be too nice, or too hard, you’ve got to be polite, oh he was just being nice, oh can’t you just go out on one date….(He's got lots of money - or some other hidden agenda related to self worth) We’ve been confusingly conditioned to question our worth, our intuition, and our value and sometimes we just fucking know that guys a creep, or that guys got bad boundaries because we’ve been moving through the world trying to avoid being psychically molested. Gahhhhh!!!
Sometimes, men just don’t get it. So here…. Here’s a very obvious story about why men need some help in the boundary section. And those of you men reading this…. I’m sorry just don’t be a creep and I won’t write a story about you. Sorry. -shrug- It's educational.
Your openness – Opens others!
But what if I don’t want to open others, I don’t want to share my open energy, I don’t want an invitation for connection. Blahhhhh—Fuck. My presence opens others. I don’t have to even do anything – and sometimes its really really overwhelming. So…I run, and I hide. Grr… No. I stand, I am strong and show up as I am telling people to fuck off when I need too….But what if that’s what they want, what if that’s what they like? Or they think I am playing or a challenge. Ugh! My energetic boundaries need to be more clear…but sometime about the ones that don’t “respect” them… is powerful too… ugh! See here’s the problem. Or is it? I think there’s a delicate balance between No, and Fuck no.
I was at a bar a couple nights ago, I haven’t been eating, or sleeping just goin’ goin’ goin’ with my creative energy and it feels enlivening, but also a little dangerous anyways, I was probably a little “on edge” FUCK. I was a single woman at a bar, what was I thinking, of course, I would get attention. No, NO FUCK No! Nothing – Gives Men – A Right – To Violate you period. So….I walked in, assessed the situation, and walk to the bar and sit down. I didn’t make eye contact, I didn’t squirm, I didn’t express any interest in the 4 men sitting along the bar top. They tried to talk to me, Loudly, and I ignored them. I could hear side comments about me, my stoicism, I was in the military - LOL They know me soooo well. Military Hah! – Obviously in my masculine, and staying strong in my primary emotion, of annoyance. LOL! Is that an emotion, well… my non-verbals definitely said “fuck off” at-least I thought so. One of the guys asked my name, and I started laughing to ignore him, and then I noticed him putting orders in for a drink, something sugary, fruity. I knew it was for me. Ugh… I mean, no “strong man” trying to impress a woman, was gonna order that “pussy” shit. It was florescent green, I did appreciate the color – the bartender brought it over to me, and I said strongly and firmly “I don’t want that” – “I didn’t consent to that” and didn’t touch it. I felt so bad for her…. That she was in the middle of all this. I went onto eat my food, and the guy still tried to talk to me, and I looked directly at him and said “You do realize the more you talk, the more disgusting my food tastes?” He did disgust me. I have no empathy for men who can’t honor women’s boundaries, sometimes you’ve got to DEMAND respect. I know I know….unmet needs, but also we are training men to accept less than our worth. I am done with that shit. He flippantly said, “Now we see your true colors” and another guy said something, I don’t remember exactly, but I looked straight at him too and said... “If a woman walks into a bar, doesn’t make eye contact, ignores you, and doesn’t respond to anything you've said, doesn’t indication she wants to engage with you, what makes you think she wants to talk to you?” I continued to stare at him until he glanced away, -- Challenging him with my eyes, my energy as I often do consciously or unconsciously. He backed down, a few minutes later apologized, but I didn’t care about his grievances…. I was surprised he didn’t come hit me. I felt so enlivened standing up for myself, and standing true in my worth. I find sometimes, I can’t do this around myself, my friends or period because I’m supposed to be a “good girl”. I’m “supposed” to be polite.
Well…Now I can do it again, how can I do it, and let it go of the energy? I guess that’s where martial arts comes in. ;-)