Fuck You. A story of trapped emotions.
I’m so sorry. Not Really.
I am so fucking tired of feeling confused for where I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to do, be a healer, be a capitalist be what the fuck am I supposed to be? What the fuck am I supposed to do to prove my worth here.
I know in a capitalist way, I am worthy…to produce and consume.
But I want to know in my heart at every moment of everyday I am worthy. I want to feel life energy in my body and feel connected, naturally without having to “force” myself to be something.
I want to rest in the idea that I am love, pure and simple.
I’m done feeling out of control; I’m done with pretending I’m okay. Sometimes…I’m just not! Sometimes, I am angry sometimes I am sad sometimes I am joy.
But if I feel trapped, I will react, and project so much shit on you…. You won’t even know what hit you…. I don’t do it, Naturally. I wish I did it less…sometimes. Well…Actually. I don’t. It’s how I am now…. Probably just for today though. J
At the root….
I am worthy… I AM WORTHY…. Of everything, or every moment to feel, do see, experience what I desire to manifest my future not my past, and this letter….
Is just a moment in time. J
Thanks for hearing me.
Every moment of time, everyday of every year. I am love. I am here. So I am worthy, of being, just, who, I am. For all ranges of emotion I feel and experience. So HERE I Stand ALIVE and FREE in all ways of being. You don’t get to call me names, spread gossip about me, and pretend like I’m just going to let that shit go. I’m not perfect, I never will be, and sometimes I don’t know what to do, and sometimes I am scared, and sometimes I judge. But fucking communicate what you’re needing, what you are wanting and be patient and kind with me as I will grow in my understanding on how to serve you.
I promise I will do my very best, and we will deepen with time and patience. I am a quick learner in some ways…. But others yeah -- I can’t change overnight. If I do…. It won’t be foundational… It will be superficial, and I will become resentful…. I’m trying…I promise. Ugh…. Now what am I doing? Begging for forgiveness.
What the fuck! Why do we have a culture of not being able to meet each other, not being able to hold space, not knowing how to support emotionally? Why can’t we share how we are really feeling? Or show how we are really feeling?
Ugh… Maybe it’s just me? Just my tears, my sorrow, it’s heavy for people. I know….but the more I feel confused by my ability to emote the more resentful I’ll get…The more I push for attention…. UGH!!! –screams- But sometimes….I just want to be seen?! Or are they the same thing?
Maybe that’s my issue…I’ve manipulating through my emotions a lot of my life…now I’m learning to be with them…they are welcomed regardless. –sigh- These stories…oh your emotionally immature, or oh your reactive, oh your bipolar. –sigh- Sometimes, yes… Woah this is so vulnerable y’all. I hope your not judging me? I mean…being a life coach I’m hoping my story inspires y’all. –smiles- I hope these questions help you access trapped emotions, helps inspire you to have sharing circles of safe space to process and move through emotions to bring balance into our lives.
I really have to share gratitude for my business partner, that in which we got in a heated argument, he held space for my anger. I felt a release, a power a control, of myself and the environment… I wasn’t sure if it was really welcomed, but I know I still felt connected after that…and with his presence I was able to feel more flow naturally in my body, honestly. I thought I was pregnant, and maybe I was until another episode which maybe I was…. But all those feelings stopped when his best friend who was not strong enough to hold space for my anger yelled me at. –Sigh- The whole dynamic shifted…Maybe we’ll come back together in time. I miss them both dearly.
How can I flow through my energy, emotions in times of stress?
For me…I’ve always felt the need to “demand” the space I need for processing… I’ve never felt a safe space, until yesterday – to emote, where m
And… the less range of emotions I will feel….so maybe that’s my work….It is…I know…to welcome my own emotions regardless of how they’ll be received. –sigh- It’s fucking hard y’all… it’s so hard and vulnerable to practice authenticity and vulnerability after years of being confused about how to shine my light… -big sigh-
Practice makes perfect.
What lights your light? Where are you most naturally authentic?
I can sense your desire for me to be my authentic self…. Where are the safe containers for expressing emotions? Let’s make them! Let’s build containers for people to access and express their energy authentically in a way that serves the groups. I was feeling this is so deeply needed, and in a bodily way!! And Yes…. There is one! There are many, and where they are lacking we need more. Expression is healthy, it’s safe, and it’s nourishing…. Even in this message, I feel insecurities come up… Is this true? What’s real? I don’t know… It’s nothing we were taught….it’s a practice to learn, know, understand and value our emotions.
But at what time & place? How do we really know we will be safe?
How do I know it will remain in a container and not leak out into other parts of my life? What about the physical space of it….
Ugh…then these things like – Emotions are contagious, Yes…. They fucking are but if we can meet each other energetically we won’t feel the discomfort of trying to suppress our own emotions…If we aren’t “woke” enough…..then yes there’s a resistance, and it’s uncomfortable!
But…. It’s all still just temporary! Once they are deeply accessed, they can be felt through your energy and movement throughout the day…. And just as quickly as they came they leave…..it’s what we do with them.
What do you do with your emotions? With your flow? What’s your relationship with your feminine flow of feelings?