Healing The Maternal

Sooo… in growth, and spiritual development –cough cough- what a lame term. Spiritual development…. Let’s call it – The journey into the divine!

We all have shadows right?

Mine is probably feeling like I have soooo much to work on, when will I ever be “okay” when will I ever “arrive” well, FUCK. There is no arrival until your dead, and even then…. Your not really arriving. Life is a journey y’all………. Come on!! How can we keep showing up, deepening our practice and connecting with others that help us be the best versions of ourselves? This is deep, authentic, and vulnerable. Especially as a life coach… like aren’t I supposed to have it all figured out before I help others? Well….No. We all need support, we all need love, we all have ways to accept ourselves and ways to grow. But…..

Do you welcome your shadow work, or run from it? What’s the balance of knowing your work, and knowing your just accepted as you are? I don’t know…LOL. I was always the weird one, STILL am sometimes…. I’m learning to practice awareness of my energy and my flow, of boundaries or synchronicities.

For the longest time…. I’ve had such a hesitation to understanding, forgiving and healing my relationship with my mother. I just blamed her soooo much… For what? Ugh… I felt so frustrated that I was never “what I wanted to be” I was so emotional, so soft, and so empathic, and hurting all the time. I didn’t understand why…. I just knew it hurt and I remembered feeling oh so confused about our relationship and not really understanding or believing in love. Well…now I realize love is inside, also love isn’t black or white, and love takes different forms for different experiences and situations, and it’s something you feel in your body, and it changes the way you move through the world, it changes your desires, your perception, your energy, your movement.

I’ll tell you what it’s not. Control. Love is not control…unless there is consent and communication, but then is it really control….or the play of control between two consenting adults? ;-)

I always felt like there was something to be fixed, or some way to be fixed and only in learning to love myself unconditionally, now it’s a practice, for all my strengths and weaknesses am I able to accept her and my father. J

But…. They say…the deepest spiritual practice is the one that deepens with family. J I think I am ready….I mean, life’s too short. I am as ready as I will ever be.

I’m also like…. As I am coming into work as a healer, I will feel naturally recharged by her healing powers as my madre, and kids too…Kids fill my healing powers up from those that are sucking them dry……J

Other practices that feed my intuition would be meditation, other sensitive humans, dance, practicing from my intuition, softening, yoga, safety and animals!! J

I’m also nervous because my mom does not take good care of herself….she’s like bedridden and shit…. And with me dating, guys are gonna be like “let’s take a look into the future” --- ummm… No. I practice a was deeper level of self care, self love, and embodiment practices than my mom ever will….Ugh. I have too….I have sooo much energy. It’s like if I don’t y’all…. I get CARAZY!

Even now….I’ve been sitting down so much building these blogs, like Imma need a 10 day trek through the Appalachian trail. J You wanna come?

Let’s go!! J

I’m curious what shadows you have with your family, what keeps you from really connecting with them the way you’d like? Is it fear? Is it confusion? Is it misunderstandings? Lack of shared reality? Poor communication? Unmet needs?

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