I’ve been Vegetarian, BEgan, RAWtarian(WTF? Is this still a trend?) fruitarian(This one made a little more sense), BUT....
was spiritually aligned, was affordable, was convenient, was challenging, was scientifically supported....
It was also death....
It was the masculine seducing me into minimalism, into nothingness into scarcity, into the ground of low self worth and instability....Ohhhhh... don't get me wrong, being seduced is fun....
It was fun to learn the power of my own energy through the manipulation of consumption and fasting.... It was magically grounding, to know I actually didn't need food to survive?
Then... I realized, ------ and all those "diets" are all fake, there not sustainable, we are "surviving" but we aren't thriving....and they've caused me to HATE eating, hating eating?? What?? The purest, deepest, oldest, most original form of nourishment?
I couldn't do it... It's taken me years, practice after practice, trial after trial, fast after fast.... etc.... I come into a healthy relationship with food, and honestly. I still can't eat around other people without a struggle... I can't enjoy my food without feeling like I have to show up differently than I am.... sometimes I can access playful energy if I know people love or care for me but it's usually just a few moments in time... not a deep practice. -sigh-
If you ask me to make a grocery list, I'll throw up. I feel sick now just thinking of it... If I have to "concioussly" "logically" relate to my nasty food that took the slaughtering of innocent animals, through the practices of the narcissist "sustainability" extortion of human labor, theft from the earth, and the exchange of money?
nah..you got me FUCKED UP.
I have a rhythm and ritual for shopping, and it doesn't include a plan.
I eat what I want, when I want, how I want..... I tune into my senses....
I don't fucking think. Do you hear me? Don't think, just experience.
I worship the gifts that Mother Earth has offered to us, I share gratitude for all the paths, and steps that it's taken to bring this food to me, I pray that others receive the same nourishment and understanding of our most confusingly abundant resource.
A deeper recording of my journey with food is available on Spotify
I also recommend listening to "Meditation for the Sense" on Spotify :)
If you'd like a deeper understanding of my journey into grocery shopping again, I am happy to provide this as well, comment here, or subscribe with your calling ;-)